Cellophane wrapped Buddha.

Bangkok is hot and wet. When it rains, it really rains. It's like having a tepid, smelly shower. You're so hot and sticky, and you think surely this will bring light relief. Nope.

I'm still in Bangkok and after deliberating whether to stay in Thailand, luckily I met some lovely people at the hostel who were heading to Siem Reap in Cambodia tomorrow, so I decided to hang out for another day and take the trip with them. Luckily I now have a room ready and waiting for me in their hotel and I'm sticking to my original plan. Apparently the flooding in Cambodia is now only ankle deep.

The Thai Royal family are highly revered here, and yesterday we took a tuk tuk to the Grand Palace. I know I love the dramz, but I was actually terrified, clinging on for dear life and convinced we would be knocked over by a rickety old Bangkok bus or an elephant or something. The Grand Palace is an eerily perfect place, all shiny and sparkling and disinfected. Visiting the Emerald Buddha (one of the most venerated sites in Thailand), I think I preferred the reclining one, but Emerald was pretty impressive. The heavens opened for the daily hot stinky monsoon shower as we were leaving so we took refuge in the gift shop until it subsided. Not really sure about constantly smelling like wet flannels but I can deal.

Today I took a walk on my own past the Democracy Memorial and ended up in the Chao Poh Seua, the Tiger God shrine, where Chinese-Thais come to pray for "power, prestige and successful pregnancy". I walked in, unsure of whether I would be welcome, and stumbled across about 15 people in amazing costumes and make up and fake beards like the guy out of Kill Bill. I stood mesmerised / terrified while they acted out some kind of ancient drama on a stage about 6 by 4 feet. No one apart from me was watching or taking notice. The incense was choking me, and I had one of those this. is. fucking. unreal. moments. I don't think I left any more powerful, prestigious or successfully pregnant, but I'll remember it forever.

I continued my walk up to Thanon Bamrung Muang, where you can buy stuff for Temples. There was thousands of Buddhas, bigger than me, all wrapped up in cellophane. I so wanted to buy one but I don't think it would have counted in my luggage allowance. Plus I still have 2 other continents to get through - got to be sensible. It was good to get away from Khao San; I didn't see another Western face for at least 2 hours.

I'm not sure how long it will take before Temple Fatigue sets in, but I'll let you know when I get to Angkor Wat. For now, it's pretty fucking awesome.

Mr Soft goes to Thailand.

Ohhhhhhh. So THIS is what a Bangkok hangover feels like. So apparently the Thai beer Chang has a variable alcohol content, from 6 - 16%, which isn't listed on the bottle. It's like a booze roulette - you never know what you're gonna get. Anyway, turns out I got the jackpot - after the dog licking episode I headed out for some drinks with some lovely people from the hostel, and this is where things get kind of blurry.

To cut a long blog short, after drinks on the Khao San Road we headed to a ping pong show, where I apparently nodded off. After doing a Charlie's Angels style roll out of the cab that I'd got into for free at some traffic lights (I don't think he was driving me home), I got in another, safer, one where I taught the fun loving cabbie some Scouse phrases of choice. Turns out he supported Liverpool FC, and after hearing "arr eh, fucccck off" said in an endearing Thai accent, I got to the 7 Eleven near the hostel. I'd had the foresight to stock up on what I'd thought were salt and vinegar crisps for breakfast, but I woke this morning with a mouth like the Sahara to what were actually sushi flavour monstrosities. No one needs rolled fish flavouring in 30 degree humidity. Still scoffed the whole lot though.

All possessions in tact, including phone, wallet and glasses. I did think I'd lost my shoes this morning but turns out I'd walked into the hostel with them on (a big no-no) and then had to kick them off, and the kindly night porter had put them in a little locker for me. The Thai people are so cute.

So I headed up to Wat Pho, which was worth the 3,000 miles of travel alone. After a full body traditional Thai massage, my weary bones were clicked and stretched in impossible directions and I floated round the Temple at sunset. The Reclining Buddha was wondrous, a huge glittering effigy, as big as the building itself, with a cheeky smile and a posture that I've adopted for the rest of the day.

Still not sure what to do on Monday, but I guess I'll figure it out.

DAY ONE

Okay, don't get me wrong, I love airport codes and departure lounges and flying and plane food as much as the next [gonk]. But why does everyone who works in an airport have to be so miserable?

Had a great flight; 3 movies down (the new Woody Allen is rubbish), 2 episodes of Friends, half of Paul O'Grady's autobiography, 3 currys and an ice cream, only to land in Mumbai and have a soldier practically point a gun in my face and shout LIGHTER LIGHTER so that I nearly lost all 3 curries (they re-xrayed my bag and it was my keyring). Flight was incredible though, I had a flew little moments when I saw the sunset over Afghanistan and then flew so close over the Mumbai slums, to be greeted by fireworks over the whole of the city (not sure they were just for my arrival but I'll run with it).

Landed in Bangkok at sunrise after feeling like I only lived on planes. Bangkok is sensory overload. They are having a sweat festival, let's say muggy is an understatement. I managed to navigate the skytrain and local bus services and my hostel is cool, just off the Khao San Road, serving fruit smoothies for breakfast and free internet and lots of places to lounge around and no bed bugs as yet.

Started the day with a foot massage by what was possibly a prostitute, but what the hell it felt amazing and was about 2 quid.

Planning to stay here until Monday, and was debating whether to head up to Chiang Mai but apparently it's under 3 feet of flooding, so will probably just go straight to Siem Reap to visit some temples with faces carved in to them.

Wildlife update - no snakes as yet, but I did get licked by a wild dog while I was having lunch.